3 events I can remember in the past 2 months

okay, I'm back again after more than 2 months..
so many event happen during that time. but mostly I can't remember what the hell was happened. I just remember some event which is still running inside my mind until this day. And here is the list.

First of all, I still remember when my friends and I watching 2012. I was waiting all the time to see this movie because I saw it trailers and looks cool. Beside, the director is Roland Emmerich, who directed one of my favourite film, The Day After Tomorrow. That was so cool, so I watched more than 5 times. And 2012, I thought, will be better than before. But, I did it wrong. The movie was suck, just kind of full CGI show-off. And even worse because people who sit next to me act such a person who is never going to the cinema before. Poor you!! And like that wasn't enough, I didn't saw any cute guy in that movie after almost an hour. But, everything changed when I saw the Russian pilot (Sasha). He's so cute. And he's complete my check list for my dream guy!! LOL!! Too bad he was died in the movie.

Sasha. He is too cute and hot. Blue eyed and blond!!

And then, right after I came home, I search for this guy and I knew his name is Johann Urb. He is Estonian. He played on Paris Hilton movie, The Hottie and The Nottie. And he was hotter than when he played Sasha. That's because he play shirtless scene. But, when I saw him played at Strictly Sexual, I was amazed. He isn't play one shirtless scene, but many shirtless scene.







Even when he put his shirt on, he's still looks hot.







And guess what, he is 32 y.o. And he's married to a model named Erin Axtell. Oh, no, Joe, you're really broke my heart..
By the way, I heard that he have a facebook account, so I add him, and then, he ended up adding me in his another account. I was in my curiousity and asked him how come did he ended up adding me and also, I asked him, is this account really belong to him. And then, in the next day, he was send me a message to tell me that was really his account!! and he used it to someone who he's never met in person before. WOW!! I can't believe it!! Johann Urb really sent me a message!! And that makes me adoring him more than before..

This is his profile picture for his facebook. Just search and add him! Prove that the account really belong to him. :D

And we're going to the second event I can remember.
It was Idul Adha Holiday and my friends and I get 3 days off. So we decided going to Puncak. We're used two car, my friend's car and mine. On the first day, we're going to Puncak Pas, the highest area on Puncak. We're taking picture and then we're going to Kota Bunga taking a picture again and we're moved to Seruni Hotel before we're back to villa.




At villa, we're sleeping, playing billiard, playing UNO Stacko, swimming, etc. Next day, we're going to cimory but we're got so many traffic jam. Dammit!! Then, finally we're arrived at cimory, but there was really full of people, so their service is not good at all. And too bad, the other driver (my friend, I mean..) and I got sick. She got nausea and vomiting so many times. And I got vertigo again. Damn!! So, after we're taking our lunch, we're going back to Jakarta instead of going to Bogor.
And finally, before we're going back to home, we're stopped in the new cafe at tomang, but unfortunately, the service was really poor. And when we're asking for bill, they didn't give us. So, we're decided to leave without paying, and yes, the waitress called us. So we can blame on her. Ha-ha!! And because we're really disappointed for their service, one of my friend complaint to the manager about how bad the service is. And finally, we're going home. So tired until we're can't discuss about our trip and we're going to sleep as soon as possible.
It was tiring, but it's fun. And I can't wait until our next trip again!!


And the last event, was happened yesterday. No, I mean, Today at 2 a.m.
First, congratulation to me, today is my birthday. I've got many wishes from my friends, and yeah, the one who I really want to dump him away from my life. Yes, he is my ex. My stupid ex. Suddenly he called me in the middle of the night just to say happy birthday. Hello... He didn't do that when I was his girlfriend, okay. And he didn't do that last year when he's still live in the same city with me. And he said, unfortunately I was in my hometown, so I can't bring you a present. WTF???!! last year, when he's still here, he don't bring me a present. Just that? Nah! He forgot my birthday! What an asshole!! Bah! Like I care! But unfortunately, my friends keep tease me and make me remember him again and again. What a friend!! Great!!
But, too good, I'm not falling to his trap again. I don't ever care whether when he don't call me or he forgot my birthday. Ha-ha!! Now, who's the winner, crap??? ME!!! it's ME!! Not You!!! Ha-ha!!


Okay then, that was something I can remember for the past 2 months. Now I'm going to bed and prepare to final exam tomorrow. Bye!!

cry for you

Lost and by myself all alone
Life can be so cold since you've gone
Haven't seen you for so long
I feel so wrong

I ran away from those lies that I had told
There was no reason why I was such a fool
And finally I've lost your loving heart and soul

And here it is
begging you come home
Missing you
wanting you come home

I miss you like crazy
Come back and stay
I'm never gonna give you up
My heart will break you'll see

I cry for you
I cry for you

And I cry for you
feeling lost and lonely now
I cry for you
you're still the one and only for me
Miss you so
I cry for you
Cry for you




umh.. betewe, semoga ini jadi yg terakhir gw lebay2 ga jelas gara2 mantan gw.. shit lar..

bete tingkat tinggi

beberapa hari yg lalu berasa bete 3/4 mati gara2 mantan gw itu.. jdlah terpikir utk bikin puisi yg ga mellow2 kek biasa.. tp maap ye kalo banyak kata2 yg tak senonoh.. soalnya bete tingkat tinggi sih..

Fuc**ng As**ole

hey, as**ole!
don't mess with me!
don't u ever thinking u can play with me!
don't u ever brave lying to me!

coz I'm gonna bring u down
I'm gonna kick ur a*s
and absolutely I don't ever feel that I do the wrong way

I know ur fu**ing bullsh*t!
I know ur fu**ing tricks!
and of course I know ur fu**ing alibi!

and from this moment on
I'm gonna thinking a best way to make u sorry
but I won't give u an apologize
and cut my neck
if I ever fall for u again!

I don't wanna be friend with u anymore
I don't care if I lose 1 friend as long as it's u!
and I won't thinking of u again!

u really really waste my time
u really really waste my intelligence
and whatever u did, was a lie for me
was a bullsh*t for me

I did it wrong coz I ever trust u
I did it wrong coz I ever thinking of u
I did it wrong coz I ever miss u
and absolutely I did it wrong coz I ever love u

now, this is the end
the real ending
how I waste my 1,5 years thinking of u
it doesn't matter
better now than never

and this is just for u, my stupid ex!
u waste my love
and believe me,
someday, u'll gonna eat ur sh*t
and crawling back to me again
at that time, u'll gonna feel what I feel

but for now,
just go to the hell, fu**ing as**ole!!

rabu kamis jumat

haiya!!!

dari kemarin2 mau nulis, ga ada waktu mulu.. (sok) sibuk sih.. wkwkwk..

selasa kemarin, untuk pertama kalinya, mobil gw mencium tembok parkiran kampus. swt!!!! bertahun2 gw nyetir mobil, baru kali ini gw ciumin mobil gw ke tembok parkiran. bisa digorok bokap gw kalo dy tau. mampus!!

ruz rabu kemarin, maag gw kumat mulu, sampe minum obat maag 3x juga masih ga mempan. untung gw kuliahnya cuma nyampe jam 9. tp, mw pulang, males. akhirnya nyalon, pikir gw mw extension rambut, tp kok sejuta ye? ga ada duit gw.. akhirnya refleksi deh.. lumayan, pegel2 ilang. hoho.. ruz abis itu, pikir gw mw main skating, mumpung belum jam 12, biar dpt diskon 40%.. tp ternyata, jakarta emang ga bs diprediksi.. deket gitu aja, makan waktu lama.. swt.. nyampe TA aj uda hampir setengah 1, diskon udah ga berlaku deh. akhirnya makan n ke gramed doang sambil nungguin temen gw yg mw ke sono juga nyari kado.

gw tunggu sampe lumutan di gramed, akhirnya dateng juga temen gw. nyari kado muter2 ga dapet2, yg ada malah ketemu org yg mw dikasi kado. batal deh acara nyari kado buat dy. akhirnya nyari kado buat temen gw yg satu lagi. untung dapet.. bentar doang sih, ruz balik.
balik rumah, jam setengah 6, langsung tewas gw tanpa matiin lampu, kunci kamar, ganti baju.. ada yg manggil2 gw aja gw sampe gak kuat buat buka mata.. padahal gw tw ada yg manggil2 gw n masuk ke kamar gw. tp bodo lah.. ngantukkkk...

setengah 8 gw bangun krn inget blm makan n mandi, akhirnya mandi n makan dg ogah2an krn ngantuk. abis makan, OL bentar, langsung tidur sebelum jam 10. rekor tuh.. tp...... di kasur, yg ada cuma bolak balik bolak balik doang ga bisa tidur.. pikiran tuh berasa melayang ke mana2.. tp intinya sih melayangnya ke tempat mantan gw. dammit!! dy lagi, dy lagi!! bah!! tp akhirnya setelah 2 jam gak jelas di kasur, akhirnya gw bs tidur juga..

besoknya, alarm gw bunyi.. n kebiasaan gw tuh, bangun di bunyi alarm ke 2 dst.. ga pernah gw mw bangun di alarm pertama. jadilah alarm pertama gw cuekin. n keknya sih gw bener2 tewas lagi. soalnya gw nyadar tuh, gara2 gw mikir, kok alarm gw gak bunyi2 lagi y? jam brp sih ini?? n gw lihat jam... JAM 8.11!!!! y iyalah alarm gw gak bunyi lagi.. udah mati dari tadi alarm gw tuh.. n krn gw kuliahny cuma sampe jam 9, gw lanjutin aja tidur lagi. mau masuk juga tanggung ini.. wkwkw.. n akhirnya gw bangun setengah 1 siang.. bener2 tidur yg nyenyak. hoho..

ruz selesai makan siang, temen gw ngajakin spa. pikir gw, asyik juga tuh.. akhirnya gw pergi, tp krn udah kesorean, akhirnya gak jadi spa. jadinya maskeran rambut doang. n seperti biasa, pikiran gw tuh melayang ke mana2 mulu. walaupun intinya emang gw mikirin mantan gw sih.. swt.. bukannya gw mw, tp gimana lagi? gak dipikirin nongol, dipikirin, apalagi.. jd drpd susah2 menolak bayangan yg muncul, y udah lha y, terima aj.. gw juga demen ini.. wkwkwk..

ruz malemnya, akhirnya si mantan gw tuh sms gw juga.. akhirnya stlh sebulan ga ada kabar, nongol lagi dy.. hohoho.. asal benteng pertahanan gw gak runtuh lagi gara2 perhatian dy aj sih gpp.. kalo runtuh lagi sih gawat lho.. bisa dicengin abis2an gw ama temen2 gw yg seneng kalo gw mulai terlihat mikirin mantan gw. emang rada2 dong-dong mereka itu. wkwkwk..

ruz tadi, gw merasakan asyiknya jadi asdos.. bangga rasanya, walaupun bukan asdos yg bener2 dibayar ama dosen, tapi asdos dadakan, tetep aja seneng.. hohoho.. bayangin aj, banyak bgt yg nanya2 praktikum ke gw, termasuk senior gw yg jd komtinya. hahahaha.. emang dy gak tau kalo gw juniornya y? wkwkwk..

ruz apalagi y? td sih mantan gw masih sms gw gitu.. pake ngomong, 'ashlynn-ku' lagi.. geli deh gw.. ruz dy ngomong kangen ama gw, ngomong dy masih mikirin gw. BAYANGKAN, sodara-sodara!!! BAYANGKAN!!! mantan gw yg udah putus 1,5 tahun yg lalu n yg dulu sempet gw ajak balikan tp dy ga mw (apa yg ada di otak gw dulu y? sampe bisa2nya gw ajak dy balikan???) bilang kangen ama gw???? bilang mikirin gw??? n ini bukan yg pertama kalinya dy ngomong begitu.. hampir tiap kali sms, dy selalu bilang gitu!! n dy kan dulu sempet tuh, jadian ama cewe lain setelah putus ama gw, tp cuma 3 minggu!! kacian cewenya deh.. habisnya dy bilang, kalo cewe itu beda ama gw, n dy gak bisa jadi diri dy sendiri kalo ama cewe itu. beda kalo ama gw.. JAH!! y iyalah gw beda ama mantannya yg itu.. gw kan emang beda dari yg lain.. cari aj sampe ke ujung dunia, n lu org ga bakal nemuin orang kek gw.. limited edition gw ini.. wkwkwk..

ngomong2 soal mantan, gw jadi inget, dulu mantan gw juga pernah titip salam ke bonyok gw n bilang gene, 'salam sehat sejahtera, om, tante.. ruz, Ashlynn buat w aja.. ruz sepupunya, jadiin anaknya aja.' APA MAKSUDNYA COBA??? mw ngajak balikan?? ngomong dong.. ngomong.. kalopun iya, ga bakalan gw tolak kok.. wkwkwkwk...

apalagi y? itu doang keknya.. capek ah.. mw tidur.. bubye..

hai!!

akhirnya setelah sekian lama gak bisa OL krn pulang kampung, gw balik lagi ke kota, menghadapi kenyataan hidup lagi dan tentunya, BISA OL LAGI!!!! asyiikkkkk!!!!!!!

3 minggu liburan di kampung halaman, masih aja terasa kurang.. malah berasa belum libur.. -.-' capenya liburan krn hrs berhadapan ama sepupu gw yg baru 1,5 tahun.. bayangin, anak umur 1,5 tahun, bonyoknya di tinggal di amrik, tp anaknya malah dibawa Ama gw ke indo.. n krn bonyoknya di amrik sono, jadilah bonyok gw dipanggil 'papa' 'mama' ama dy.. n dy anggap gw cecenya, jadi manjanya ampun2an dah.. gw pegang pipinya dikit, uda 'aaaa... aaaa... aaaa.... mama, cece nakal..' bah... padahal cowo, tapi manjanya, pingin gw gorok deh..

belum lagi kalo gw lagi nyetir, dy PASTI pingin ikut2an nyetir, jd dy duduk di pangkuan gw n megangin setir.. mending kalo cuma dipegang doang, ini dy ikut muter2 setirnya. beh.. mobil jd jalannya gak jelas. n krn gw jengkel, gw lemparin dy ke belakang, eh nangis.. cape deh..pokoknya bener2 keselin deh tuh anak.. tp herannya, kalo gak ada dy, kesepian juga gw. gak ada yg bisa gw isengin. wkwkwk..

o ya, kemarin waktu gw balik ke kota, muncul lagi gangguan yg bikin gw males terbang.. apa coba? DELAY!!!! damn!! cape2in aja.. tahun ini sih bener2 deh.. berkali2 gw kena gangguan waktu naik pesawat. yg pertama, kampung gw banjir gede sampe bandaranya banjir, alhasil, penerbangan dicancel. belum cukup dicancel hari itu, besoknya, di delay lagi 10 jam.. bener2 deh.. ruz yg kedua, gw hampir ditinggal pesawat, gara2 di bandara gak ada pengumuman boarding.. untung gw bisa naik, padahal tangga buat naik pesawatnya udah digeser.. sampe atas pesawat, dipelototin semua orang deh.. sori deh, om2 n tante2.. wkwkwk.. ruz yg waktu gw mw pulang kampung kemarin, ceritanya kan gw pingin lihat terminal 3 tuh, jd gw pesawat yg berangkat dari terminal 3. pesawatnya berangkat setengah 5, jadi jam 3 kurang gw udah berangkat, ternyata, macet mulu.. n jam 4 gw baru nyampe bandara, gw kira, ga ketinggalan lah.. tp ternyata...... check in nya udah tutup!!! cape deh.. ketinggalan deh gw.. mana harus beli tiket lagi buat yg penerbangan selanjutnya.. mahal pula.. 750ribu!! bah!! swt.. jadinya kemarin waktu pulang, ngabisin duit sejuta buat sekali jalan. padahal biasa 2x jalan.. itupun masih sisa!!! bener2 deh..

ruz tadi gw mw makan di PIK, di jembatan tiga tuh macet panjaaaaaaang bgt.. jadinya gw lewat jalur busway yg kosong.. tdnya aman2 aja, krn di depan gw ada mobil, di belakang gw juga ada mobil.. tp hampir sampe di lampu merah, gw lihat ada POLISI!!! bayangin, mobil dpn gw udah ditangkep, ruz gw lihat spion, mobil di belakang gw udah ilang. tinggal gw satu2nya yg di jalur busway. mana polisi udah mulai nyamperin lagi. matilah gw.. akhirnya gw majuin dikit2, ngelewatin polisinya, n ternyata, GA DITILANG!!! hoki banget gw.. padahal tadinya gw udah pasrah aja kalo ditilang, ternyata ga!! asyikkk!!! padahal mobil depan gw aja ditilang.. hahaha!!!

btw, udahan ah nulisnya.. ngantuk gw.. besok masih harus menghadapi hari yang panjaaaaaang lagi.. huh.. nitez all!!

judulnya apa?

akhirnya speedy gw connect juga..

hari ini bener2 keselin deh speedynya. seharian ngedown terus, padahal tadi siang uda rencana mw nulis. jadi lupa kan gw ama apa yg mau gw tulis.. huh..
udahlah, lupakan..

btw, tadi untuk yg pertama kalinya, gw nonton bioskop premier di ex. asli, buat yg belum pernah nyoba, wajib banget buat dicoba. walaupun mahalnya amit2 (minggu pula..), tapi sebanding kok.. nyaman banget.. kursinya bisa ditidurin, ada selimutnya pula. tapi jangan mikir macem2 kalo mau mesum di sono, soalny kursinya jauh.. jangankan mw mesum, peluk2an aja susah.. wkwkwk.. bukannya gw uda nyoba sih, tapi logisnya aja deh.. wkwkwk.. lagian kalo gw mw nyoba, ama siapa coba? anjing gw udah gw balikin lagi ke induknya, n gw belum dapet yang baru.. maklum, hati gw masih tetep di anjing gw yg lama.. wkwkwk..

btw, mal2 di sini tetep rame aja y? kekny org2 uda pada pasrah kalo tiba2 jadi korban bom y? (amit2.. tok tok tok..) tp gw juga nekat c, di hari pengeboman ritz ama marriott, tetep aja gw pulang kuliah ke mal.. n yg terpatri di otak gw adl, kalo emang udah waktunya mati, mau kabur ke mana aja juga akhirnya mati. mau diem di rumah doang juga bisa mati. mati kesetrum, mati kehabisan O2, mati krn ledakan kompor, mati krn digigit kucing (emang bisa ya? wkwkwk), de-el-el. jadi daripada diem2 di rumah juga mati, mending ke mal. paling ga, matinya bareng2 org banyak.. wkwwkkwk.. sebenernya c, gw siap ga siap kalo harus mati skrg, tp kan kehidupan tuh bagaikan kontrak rumah. kalo kontraknya abis, ya harus pindah. bedanya, kalo kontrak rumah, bisa diperpanjang n qt tw kapan tenggat waktunya, jadi bisa siap2. tapi kalo kontrak hidup, ga bisa diperpanjang, n qt ga pna tw kapan tenggat waktunya abis. cape de.. -.-' wkwkwk..

oh ya, kembali soal anjing gw yg dulu..

sumpe de, gw kangen banget ama anjing gw itu.. habis anjing gw itu lucu banget.. beneran.. baek lagi.. sayangnya dy agak2 o'on gitu. tp justru di situ letak kelucuannya.. pingin banget deh, anjing gw itu jadi milik gw lagi.. tp gimana caranya yah? secara udah gw balikin ke induknya. n induknya itu ga di jakarta, tp di luar pulau.. kasi ide dong, gimana biar gw bisa memiliki anjing gw itu lagi.. soalnya gw saaaayang banget ama tuh anjing.. kalo bisa gw kawinin, gw kawinin dah tuh anjing sekarang.. wkwkwkw..

btw, udah dulu ah, capek tangan gw ngetiknya. pegel2 abis main wii.. wkwkwk..

nitez, all..

if you believe - sascha

o iya, baru inget, tadi gw denger lagu, bagus deh.. judulnya if you believe. penyanyinya orang jerman. cuma yg gw heran, namanya sascha, tp kok suaranya cowo yah? hode kah? huakakaka..

ini nih liriknya..

I know it's not a game to play
Your eyes they show no fear
I burn inside and cannot wait to be
The man that feels your body close
is here to set you free
To hold you near and satisfy your needs

You shiver as I touch your neck
And slowly close your eyes
I can't resist you even if I try
We both surrender to the touch
As we lay there side by side
And everything around us disappears

Chorus:
If you believe in love tonight
I'm gonna show you one more time
If you believe and let it out
No need to worry there's no doubt
If you believe, if you believe,
if you believe, then let it out

As you run your fingers through my hair
Your lips come close to mine
The tension becomes more than I can bear
Then you wrap your arms around me
And I feel your every move
This feeling could now lead us anywhere
Now we leave the world behind us
This moment we both share,
just you and me, that's how it's meant to be
I never wanted you so much
I feel your every breath
as you gently whisper in my ear

pusing + demam.. again..

wah, udah lama juga gw ga posting yang bahasa indo. biasanya posting puisi2 lebay dlm bahasa inggris mulu.. hahaha..

hr ini kuliah jam 8, tp telat bangun, jadi nyampe kampus setengah 9. n ternyata dapet kabar kalo utsny gak jadi besok, tp diundur jd hari jumat. (untung..). 5 menit pertama, masih niat dengerin dosen ngomong, sampe bela2in nyatet segala. selanjutnya, kepala terasa pusing, pandangan berkunang2, n ga kuat, akhirnya jatuh tertidur di menit ke 15. untung dosennya ga marah. uu.. i luph u, dok.. wkwkwk..
jam 9, kepala makin berat, saking sakitnya kepala gw, sampe ga terasa kalo air mata gw keluar. akhirnya temen gw nyadar juga kalo gw sakit beneran, bukan akting doang. hehe.. n kata temen gw, mendingan abis ini gw pulang aja. azeeekkk.. jdnya setengah 10 dosennya keluar, gw minta ijin ke dosen yg ngajar setelahny buat pulang, dan dikasi.. o yeah..
sampe di rumah, langsung ukur suhu, ternyata demam lagi. pantesan dikasi ijin pulang.. hahaha.. ruz abis makan, minum obat, tidur. jam 1an, entah kenapa, tiba2 kebangun dengan kepala masih pusing. tp sempet2nya juga gw lihat hp. begitu lihat mantan gw sms, lgs bangun deh gw. pusing2 dah, tp biasanya kalo ngobrol ama dy, sembuh tuh. haha.. jdnya gw bangun, n smsan ama dy. n terbukti.. pusing gw hilang.. huahahaha... tw gitu kemarin minggu waktu gw pusing n demam, ga usah ke rumah sakit ye.. udah ke rumah sakit, disuruh cek darah krn dokternya takut kalo gejala DBD ato tifus, akhirnya keluar duit 500 ribu lebih. padahal udah dapet diskon dari kampus krn berobat ke rumah sakitnya kampus. mendingan 500ribu gw pake buat beliin pulsa mantan gw, biar dy sms n telpon gw terus tiap hari.. lebih instan penyembuhannya.. huahahahhaaha..

whatever..

I love u more than sand on sahara
I love u more than water on Atlantic ocean
I love u more than stars in our galaxy
I love u with all of my heart

even I don't need ur permission
I just wanna love u
Doesn't matter if u just love me as a friend
just let me love u with all of my heart

ur always there in my heart
even though I don't want it
u've been engraved ur soul in my heart
n it'll lasting forever in my heart

even though u deny it
it was real
our love was real
n ur really really done that time
I fall into u n can't standing alone anymore

I need u, I want u
I miss u, I love u
I don't have any word to tell the world how much I miss u
how much I love u

but I can't tell u directly
I'm too scared for this
call me chicken, yes I am
call me stupid, yes I am

whatever..

miss u

I'm stupid, am I?
coz after all the shit u've put me through,
my heart still longs for u,
and every night I miss u more than every other day

so here I am
all by myself
thinking of you and no one else

There's a feeling inside
and as hard as I try
it just won't go away

I miss u most when I'm sad
I miss u when I'm lonely
But most of all,
I miss u when I'm happy

but I know this isn't funny anymore
I have got lots of things to do
but all I can do is think about u
miss u more than u ever know

If my heart had wings
I would fly to u
and lie beside u as ur dream

I miss u right this moment
I miss u when ur away
but I can never really miss u that much
because in my heart ur always stay there

another month, another year
another smile, another tear
another winter and summer too
but there will never be another u

we dated, we explored
we loved, we went our separate ways
but I still love and want u with all my heart

ur my love, ur my soul
through the pain and tears,
the hopes and fears,
u came into my life and took away the tears,
but at the day u go away, my tears keep running down again

I may never get to see u as often as I like
I may not get to hold u in my arms all through the night
but deep in my heart I truly know ur the one I love and can't let u go

for me, meeting u was fate
becoming ur friend was my choice
but falling in love with u was beyond my control
and having my heart ripped out wasn't part of the plan

and now I realized
that the reason it hurts so much to be away from u
is because our souls are connected
and I always hope, not only our souls are connected
but we can together forever again for real too

untitled

missing u everyday,
loving u everyday,
hoping u'll be mine again,
will built a fake hope again,
it means, not good for me..

but too bad..
I did it again..

remember ur sweet smile,
remember ur gentle touch,
remember ur tender kiss,
will destroy my fortress from falling to u again

I'm trying to forget u,
and it usually works for a while..
but when u came again,
I feel my deepest feeling..

I still miss u
I still love u
I still hope u'll be mine again
and I can't bear this feeling anymore..

my world isn't complete without u
my air isn't fresh without u
my night will be black without u who'll be the star
and my wound won't heal when ur not its doctor

there's nothing more to say
I just wanna say, I miss u
and I still love u
and I still hope u'll be mine again
forever..

forgive me

blame me when I thinking of u again
blame me when I missing u again
blame me when I falling in love with u again
blame me when I can't stop loving u

don't u ever said I didn't even trying
I'm trying hard
I'm trying for a long time
but I can't

I can't stop thinking of u
I can't stop missing u
I can't stop falling in love with u
and I can't stop loving u

I know this is wrong
I know this is not meant to be
I know this is can't be true
I know this is fatal fault

so, please forgive me coz I thinking of u again
forgive me coz I missing u again
forgive me coz I falling in love with u again
forgive me coz I can't stop loving u
and please don't hate me coz of my confession

I love u

I love ur bright eyes
I love ur sweet smile
I love ur masculine scent hair
I love everything good about u

I love ur craziness
I love ur stupidity
I love ur sloppy
I love everything bad about u

I hate when I must hate u
I hate when I can't love u
I hate when we can't together forever
I hate everything that can make we don't love each other

I miss ur firm touch
I miss ur tight hug
I miss ur tender kiss
I miss any care u ever gave to me

I love being with u
I hate when I must leave u
I miss u like crazy when we're apart

I want to fall asleep in ur arms
I want to feel every beat of ur heart
I want to wake up with u
and I want u to be the first thing that I see every morning

but if looking back hurts u
if looking forward scares u
just look beside u
and I'll always be there for u

whenever u feel happy,
I'll be there for u
whenever u feel sad,
I'll always be by ur side
and whenever u crying
I'll always be ur shoulder

I love u,
not only for who u are
but I love u,
for who I am when I'm with u

I love u then,
I love u now,
I will love u tomorrow,
and I will always love u,
in every single way,
just the way u are

u can tell me I'm stupid,
it doesn't matter
u can tell me I'm silly,
it doesn't matter
u can tell me I'm crazy,
it doesn't matter

doesn't matter when the world stop for a moment
doesn't matter when the stars stop shining
doesn't matter when the moon stop glowing
doesn't matter when the earth stop rotating

I just wanna love u
and I just wanna have u as long as my life
but if I still can't have u forever in my life for real
let me having u forever in my heart until someone take ur place

Can I?

Can I tell u a secret?
Can I ask u something?
I even don't need ur permission
But I just wanna tell u something
I just wanna ask u something

I secretly missing u
I secretly loving u
I secretly hoping u still love me
and I secretly want u back to me

do u still miss me?
do u still love me?
do u still hope that I still love u?
and do u still want me to be a part of ur life?

If I still miss u, do u mind it?
If I still love u, do u mind it?
If I still hope u to love me, do u mind it?
and if I still want u back to me, do u mind it?

tell me if u still miss me
tell me if u still love me
tell me if u still hope that I still love u
and tell me if u still want me to be a part of ur life
coz I'll always miss u
I'll always love u
and I'll always be the part of ur life

but if u don't,
why did u say u miss me?
why did u say I'm the only one who can match with u, in many ways?
and why did u come to me again like u ever did before?

can u just go away from my life if u don't love me anymore?
can u just go away from my life if u don't want me in ur life anymore?
and can u just go away and don't ever trying to search me if u just wanna be friend with me?

but if u don't love me anymore
if u don't want me anymore
and if u really go away from my life forever,
can I accept that?
can I forgot u?
can I just live my life freely like before?
can I?

I still miss u
I still love u
I still hope ur still love me
and I still want u back to me

but will that happen?
will u still love me?
will u still want me?

doesn't matter whatever ur answer
I just wanna write what's on my mind
please don't hate me coz of this
and please don't go away from me

please let me know..

I'm trying to hate u when u call me
but I can't
I'm trying to be like as 'just a friend' to u
but I can't
I'm trying to doesn't care whenever u don't call me
but I can't

whenever u call me
I'm happy
whenever u said u care to me
I'm happy
whenever u said u miss me
I'm very happy

but what can I do??
I'm trying to trust u anymore
but u lied to me again and again
and u just go away without any report

don't u ever said I didn't even notice
I knew and I have been searching u
I'm trying to send u a message
but u haven't been replied until now

what the hell is on ur mind when u said that??
u said u miss me
and u wanna give an effort to met me that day
but what???
even u don't give me a report
until today

I hate if I must hate u
I hate if I can't keep in touch with u
but I hate if ur still lying to me again and again
so please, don't lying to me again

I ever said that I hate u
I ever said that I don't want to met u again
I ever said that I don't want to be friend with u again
I'm sorry, I didn't meant it
that's just an expression of my feeling
besides, that's happen long time ago

and we're still be best friend
and u said, I'm the best of all ur best friends
and I know for sure, ur the best too
but why are u leave me now?
without any notification?

u just go away
and take my heart away too
I don't wanna lose u
not again
altough we're just friend
I don't wanna lose u again like I did before
so please come back to me

please let me know
where are u now?
what do u do now?
what are u thinking now?
what are ur feeling now?
please let me know u like u did before

How much ur price?

Back when we was talking
I felt ur mine again
I felt we were never broke up
I felt we were a couple again
But then I remember
Ur not here anymore
Ur not mine anymore

I know my fault
U know ur fault
I've been forgive u
would u forgive me too?
and try to build our relationship together again?

I've been met many other boys
but they're all different than u
they can't make me comfortable like u
they can't make me laugh
they can't make me be myself
and I know for sure,
they can't complete my life

u've been met that girl
u've been in a relationship with that girl
but u broke up
u said that she's not like me
u said that she's can't make u comfortable
u said that she can't make u laugh
and finally u said,
the one that can complete ur life is me

I know from the first time that u complete my life
and now u said that I complete yours
what else can I say?

I have a faith that we're made for each other
and u don't deny it
my friend told me maybe ur still have any special feeling to me
and I feel it too
but I don't have any bravery to ask u
I scared if my question make u far from me again
I don't want to be far away from u again
I don't want to lose u again
and if be friend with u can make me still in touch with u
I won't break this with my question

but later days,
I really really want u
anytime my friend said about boy
I always think of u
I always want u to be with me again
and if my love still can't buying u
tell me how much ur price
So I can afford u
And having u as long as I live

may 11th, 2009

I wish we were never know each other,
but we know each other.

I wish we were never met,
but we met.

I wish we were never love each other,
but we love each other.

I wish we were never got that problem,
but we got that fuc*ing problem.

I wish we were not separate,
but we're separate.

and now I wish I could turn back time,
but I can't turn back time.

and if I can turn back time, and remove that fuc*ing problem, today I'll be very happy.
coz today is may 11th, 2009
this day must have be our day
our 2nd anniversary
but u're not here
u're not mine anymore

and if I want u back, would u be mine again?
would u do anything like u ever said to me?
would u just trust urself and don't care whatever ur mommy said?
like u said to me?
would u fulfill ur promise?
or u said that without thinking?
some kind of bullshit or anything?

tell me what's on ur mind
when u trying to have a chat with me
what's on ur mind?
did u just play with me?
or u maybe feel some chemistry like when we first met?
or what?

please tell me something
or I'll be dying to know
and just for ur info,
if u wanna trying this again,
maybe I'll accept it without any hesitate
and I will keep this relationship with every breath of mine

but if u dare to play with me,
never say my name again
even in ur dream
coz I'll blacklisted u until I die
and don't hoping for my forgiveness

and now,
I miss ur smile
I miss ur jokes
I miss ur touch
and I'm really sure,
I really really miss u

but what can I do?
there's no way to get u back
unless u've changed ur mind
unless u were fulfilled ur promise to me
but when will this happen?
must I waiting u for the rest of my life?
or maybe u'll come back today?
or the day after tomorrow?
or next week?
or next month?
or next year?
or maybe u'll never come back to me?
I don't know

but I believe, if God want we together
someday, u'll be mine forever
but if that day never come,
I'll never forgot u
u're the best thing God ever gave to me
and I'll remember our time together
as the sweetest memory as long as I live

what will u do?

what will u do or what will u think if u know that people u like is changed his relationship status from 'single' become to 'in a relationship with xxx'? broken hearted? i think that's will be common answer. but for me? no, it isn't. and hell yeah, i proved it recently.

so, this is the story..

i was chatting with my friend who is his friend too, n talking bout him. n then, my pals come in and said to me, that i must look the facebook and see what happens. at that time, i still dunno what she's talking about. but then, she told me that he is in a relationship now. get shocked? yeah, i didn't deny it. feel dissapointed? a little. but feel heartbroken? nah!! not at all. and from that time, i know that i'm not falling in love with him. not at all. i just like him. nothing more than that. not like my feeling when my ex told me that he had been broke up with his new girl after me. i felt, jealous and a little bit heartbroken. goddammit!! whereas, when he told me that, i had been broke up with him for almost a year and i'm sure i don't have any feeling anymore to him except an ex boyfriend and also, i have been like 'this new boy' (i think).

and now, after a couple week or more knowing that i didn't love 'the new boy', i getting start to remember my ex anymore. okay, he's the sweetest ex that i have than the 2 others, but, he's the past. why the hell still i remember him?? altough, he's not live in the same city like me now. he's back to his hometown after he finished his study. and no more reason for him to back to this city except his graduation ceremony. but what will i do at that time? trying to get him back again? hell, no!! if i do that, and he accept it, it means, we must LDR, and i know it won't work. we've been trying it before, and what did we got?? broke up!! so, i don't wanna hoping him again.. but, recently, i can't remove this feeling to my ex again. dammit!

Rencana

Rencana hari ini, sabtu, 4 april 2009:
1. bangun tidur kurang dari jam 1 siang
2. mandi n makan
3. belajar buat uts PA senin (aarrgghh..) minimal 80% dari seluruh bahan (semua bahan ada 6 diktat=200 halaman. jadi harusny 5 diktat uda mantap banget)
4. hangout with "MP"!!! mw nonton n makan (+ nemenin J ke Seibu)
5. tidur nyenyak!!

info tambahan

Sedikit info tambahan bagi pembaca mengenai inisial yg nantinya akan sering tercantum di tulisan-tulisan gw:
1. gw punya 2 geng. yang 1 biasa disebut "PGG" dan yang 1 lagi biasa disebut "MP".
2. anggota "PGG": Y, G, As, B, DG, Cc, D, E, N. ---> tidak termasuk gw.
3. anggota "MP": D, VJ, Ld, Ln, M, J, T, V, E, S, VA. ---> tidak termasuk gw juga
4. D & E ikut dalam anggota "PGG" & "MP".

Perkenalan Singkat dari Ashlynn

Hai2 semua..

Pertama-tama, terima kasih telah meluangkan waktunya yang sangat berharga untuk membaca blog yang amat sangat nggak penting ini.. hehehe.. Gw, sebagai penulis tetap di blog ini akan memperkenalkan diri. Untuk formalitas, kenalan dulu, nama gw: Ashlynn Nicole Go. Panggilanny Ash aja.. Go itu marga gw.. Bukan maksudnya gw mau go (pergi) ke mana gitu.. hehe.. Gw lahir di rumah sakit tanggal 6 desember 1989.. Kuliah di Fakultas Kedokteran sebuah universitas di jakarta angkatan 2006.. hebat kan gw? hehe.. Sodara gw 1, tapi udah meninggal beberapa tahun sebelum gw dilahirin ke dunia, jadinya tinggal gw seorang.. Bokap gw cowo, 1 doang.. Nyokap gw cewe, 1 doang juga.. Kegiatan yg biasa gw lakuin adalah ke kampus, nongkrong di tempat temen, ikutan paduan suara kampus, blajar kalo mau ujian, hangout hampir tiap weekend (hari biasa juga kadang2), dan OL sampe tengah malam. Status gw, dalam proses menemukan Mr Right gw yang mungkin saat ini sedang menunggu angkot untuk nyamperin gw.. hehehe.. Mantan gw cuma 3, dan kesemuanya cowo (y iyalah..) Status gw sekarang lagi single n searching (ada yg mau daftar kah? hehe..) n then, apalagi ye? o iya, hobi gw OL, OL, OL, dan OL.. selain itu, gw punya hobi yg agak masuk akal lainnya yaitu, nyanyi (apalagi kalo gw lagi kesel.. bawaannya pingin nyanyi mulu.. hehe..), baca majalah (tapi gw ga demen baca fashionnya.. gw kan bukan budak fashion..), ngisengin orang, tidur, malas2an, dan lain sebagainya.. gw terobsesi banget buat pergi ke Jerman, apalagi kalo dapat jodoh orang Jerman (ada yg mau cariin? dibayar deh.. tunai! hehe..) ruz apalagi ye? bingung gw.. y pokoknya begitu.. kalo misalnya ada yang mau ditanyain, cukup telpon kantor kedutaan indonesia, cari nama gw di sono (pasti ga ada.. hehe..) ato tanya langsung ke gw.. hehehe.. umm.. keknya cukup d, perkenalan sok formal gw yang ga ada formal2nya ini.. soalnya selain ngabisin waktu, juga bikin gw pegel ngetiknya.. hehehe..

Kedua, gw bakal bahas sedikit tentang isi blog ini.. blog ini gw buat, untuk memuaskan hasrat menulis gw yang aneh2 dan ga penting.. krn pikir2, daripada gw nulis di diary, yg jelas2 ngabisin bolpen n kertas (global warming!!), kenapa ga gw bikin blog aja? jadi gw bisa nulis panjang lebar tanpa takut kehabisan bolpen ato bikin global warming makin parah.. hehe.. ruz selain itu, kadang2 blog ini juga berisi curhatan pribadi yang sangat jarang ada yang tahu, karena gw jarang banget bahkan hampir ga pernah curhat ama orang.. soalnya, menurut gw, curhat identik dengan cewe lemah yang ga mampu nyelesaiin masalahnya sendiri, dan gw ga mau terlihat seperti cewe lemah bla2 itu.. tp karena namanya juga curhat pribadi, jadi kalo ada yg merasa dirinya masuk bagian dalam tulisan gw, y maklumin aja.. namanya juga curhatan gw.. tp tenang aja, nama2 di sini disamarkan kok.. jd jangan takut aib kalian terungkap di sini.. hehe.. selain itu juga gw suka nulis kegiatan gw hari itu, ato kalo ada yang penting2 ato berkesan gitu.. contohnya, gw menemukan Mr Right, ato IP gw 3,5 (kek SP kemarin.. hehe..) ato malah berita duka, kek ada kucing mati di jalan, gw habis bunuh semut, bla2.. pokoknya, yang ga penting2 gitu lah.. kadang juga ada info2 terkini, yang belum bisa dibuktikan kebenarannya (namanya juga info terkini.. jadi cuma menginfokan doang.. bukan pembuktian kebenaran..) y pokoknya macem2 isinya.. kek gado2.. eh, jangan gado2.. gw ga demen.. kek nasi campur aja d.. isinya macem2 n memuaskan walaupun mungkin ada beberapa orang yg ga demen.. hehehe.. seperti itulah kira2 blog gw ini..

Pokoknya, akhir kata, terima kasih aja bagi yang sempet2in baca blog gw ini.. apalagi yang sampe baca perkenalan gw ini.. hehehe.. selalu ingat moto gw, 'maju terus pantang mundur.. tapi jangan asal maju terus, lihat2 juga.. soalnya kalo ga lihat2, ntar ada jurang di depan, masuk juga lu orang ke dalam jurang.. hehe..'